The idea behind the Resource Center of the 18 key factors is to enable the sharing of resources - related to one or more of the 18 key factors for sustainable teams. Whatever the form of the resource, sometimes it could be a reading, a podcast, a good practice that a person has experimented with or experienced in their organization, a tip, etc. 

This resource was shared with us by a Leader/Manager during one of the "Exploring Sustainable Teams" Days. 

The Power of Vulnerability: What Brené Brown Teaches Us About the Courage to Be Ourselves

What if our greatest weakness actually hid our greatest strength? In 2010, researcher Brené Brown took to the TEDxHouston stage to share a decade of research on human connection. What she revealed there moved millions of people: to live fully, we must accept being vulnerable.

Here is the story, tinged with humor and sincerity, of her scientific quest that transformed into a true personal awakening.

When a researcher becomes a «storyteller»

Brené Brown begins her talk with an amusing anecdote. While she was scheduled to speak at an event, the organizer called her, embarrassed: «If I say on the flyer that you're a researcher, no one will come, because people will think you're boring and out of touch with reality. On the other hand, I loved your talk because you tell stories. I'm going to write that you're a storyteller instead.»

After a moment of recoil from her academic ego, Brené Brown accepted this dual identity: «Stories are perhaps just data with a soul.» So she is a researcher-storyteller.

Her initial goal as a doctoral student in social work? To measure everything and rationalize everything. Her motto was simple: if life is chaos, you have to tidy it up and put it in a well-ordered box. But human reality proved to be much more complex.

The discovery of shame and disconnection

While studying connection — which she defines as the reason for our presence on Earth and what gives meaning to our lives —, Brené Brown encountered an unexpected obstacle after only six weeks of research.

When people are asked about love, they talk about heartbreak. When they are asked about belonging, they talk about exclusion. And when they are asked about connection, they share stories of disconnection. The culprit? Shame.

«Shame is the fear of disconnection. It's this thought: "Is there something about me that, if others find out, will make me unworthy of connection?"»

It's a universal feeling. And what underlies this shame is an unbearable vulnerability : the idea that, for connection to happen, we must agree to be seen, truly seen.

The secret of those who live «whole-heartedly» (Whole-hearted)

Hating the idea of vulnerability, Brené Brown decided to spend six years dissecting the subject to try to «outsmart» it. By analyzing thousands of data points, she separated participants into two groups: those who have a deep sense of their worth, love, and belonging, and those who constantly struggle to obtain them.

Only one variable separated these two groups: people who feel a strong sense of love and belonging simply believe they are worthy of it. By studying more closely these people she calls « whole-hearted » (who live whole-heartedly), she discovered essential commonalities:

• Courage (in the original sense of the term): Derived from Latin cor (heart), original courage means telling the story of who you are with your whole heart. These people had the courage to be imperfect.

• Compassion: They were kind to themselves first, then to others.

• Authenticity: They were ready to give up what they should be to be who they truly were.

• The acceptance of vulnerability: They did not find vulnerability comfortable or pleasant, but simply necessary. It's the courage to say «I love you» first, to launch a project without guarantee of success, or to wait for the doctor's call.

The researcher's crisis (or spiritual awakening)

For Brené Brown, this discovery was a shock. The goal of scientific research is to control and predict. However, her own data showed her that to live well, one had to stop wanting to control everything and accept vulnerability.

This conflict caused in her what her therapist called a «spiritual awakening» (and which she rather describes as a depression or a year-long street fight). She had to put away her measuring tools and learn, too, to surrender to vulnerability.

How we numb our lives

Why do we fight so much against vulnerability? Because we try to numb it. The problem, explains the researcher, is that we cannot selectively numb our emotions.

«You can't say: "Here are the bad emotions (vulnerability, grief, shame, fear). I don't want to feel them, I'm going to have two beers and a banana muffin."»

When we numb these difficult feelings, we also unintentionally joy, gratitude and happiness. We then become miserable, we search for meaning, we feel vulnerable... and the vicious circle continues.

To escape this vulnerability, we make other mistakes:

• We transform uncertainty into rigid certainties (in politics or religion: "I'm right, you're wrong, shut up").

• We blame others to evacuate our own pain.

• We want to make everything perfect, including our children. However, our role as parents is not to make them perfect beings for Yale, but to tell them: "You are imperfect, you are made for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."

The path to a full and whole life

Brené Brown concludes her talk with a call to change perspective. There is another way, which rests on four pillars:

1. To allow oneself to be seen, deeply and vulnerably.

2. To love with all one's heart, even if there is no guarantee.

3. Practice gratitude and joy in moments of terror, telling ourselves: "Feeling this vulnerable simply means I am alive."

4. Believe that we are enough. This is the most crucial point. When we act with the intimate conviction that we are «enough,» we stop shouting and start listening. We become softer, more benevolent towards those around us, and above all, towards ourselves.

If you have a supportive resource that you would like to share in turn, related to one or more of the 18 key factors for sustainable teams, we invite you to do so here: